A very dear friend said if the job is getting to me so much, why don't I leave and go do something else?
It's not that simple.
I'm good at my job. Occasionally there is a call or a radio traffic that is so out of control, and because of my skills, I am able to solve issues and help people and keep my officers safe.
I'm professional. I help everyone who calls in to the best of my ability and get assistance to my officers without regard to their 'tudes or my feelings.
It's a challenge. Every day is something different. A new challenge is faced and overcome. No two days or even phone calls are alike.
There are rewards, though far and few between. Sometimes there is a note from an officer saying thank you for the extra help on that call. Sometimes you know you've saved a life because of your being there when they called.
I have tried other jobs. Have even learned some great skills. But they don't hold my interest like police dispatching does. I have been everything from receptionist to secretary to the vice president to contract administrator to legal transcriber to.... well, you get the idea. The only job that truly held my interest was marketing, because of all the planning and creativity and forward thinking and problem-solving involved. Very much like dispatching without the life and death issues. But my practical experience (and lots of it) without a college degree keeps me from getting a job where I can truly exercise that muscle.
Okay, so what about training? Get the education and training needed to get that marketing job. Sure, I plan to go back to school in the spring. That is a done deal. And I hope it leads into a marketing job. But I also know that an exploration into psychology and PTSD for dispatchers needs to be explored. Maybe I can market the idea of PTSD for dispatchers with my PhD.
Walking away from a job that you know affects life and death issues, that makes you stretch and work hard for solutions, keeps you stimulated with thought and deed is not so easy.
As discussed here at other times, this is not the job for many. And many more don't understand how we can continue to expose ourselves to such horrors and long hours and stress.
Why don't I walk away? I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should. I don't know what else I can do. Been at this frame of work and mind maybe too long to be able to walk away.